What if...

I was on my way home from what had been a pretty tough day for our family. My daughter, Abi, and I were talking when the conversation's topic turned to faith. She asked if I ever had a "what if" moment, as in, what if God wasn't there. The truth is yes, I have questioned my God's existence and I told her that. In fact, it was something I did often. But then one morning a few years ago that changed.

I was on my way to work and facing the start of what would become a record heat wave. Loading tires takes a physical toll on you that is amplified when the weather becomes hot and humid. I worried about this to the point of doing what I'd always done when needing something. I prayed. But prayers for me weren't about God. They were about me...what I wanted...what I had to have. It was, "Hey God! Me here. What ya gonna do for me? I want this new something for me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!" It was ALL about me.

This time was different though. This time it was quiet and I listened. This time I talked with God. At first I didn't realize I was doing it. I began with every intent on telling Him what I wanted for me, but before I could get there I began to think about several things weighing on my mind. Next thing I knew, I'd gotten into this big conversation with myself. I was answering my own questions and was pretty amazed at how brilliant I was. And then it hit me. These were God's answers. This was His brilliance. This was OUR conversation.

I'd often wondered what a conversation with God would sound like. You hear people all the time talking about God speaking to them. It never dawned on me that this was how it might take place. I guess that's why I never heard him before. I just wasn't listening. But once I put myself in a place where I could hear Him, I did.

In this past week's Observer, there is an interview with a woman named Ingrid Betancourt. A Columbian presidential candidate, she was kidnapped by a group called the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia while she was campaigning. They held her captive for a torturous six years from 2002 until her rescue in 2008. She was asked a number of questions relating to her faith. One of them focused on her prayer life during this period. Initially she said she wasn't very spiritually disciplined. Then as the ordeal continued, she began to read the Bible. She used the hours of isolation to meditate and pray. With that came the realization that it wasn't God not hearing her, but her not hearing Him...and it changed her life.

My life changed too when I began to hear Him. Now we talk every day and the "what if" moments that used to be frequent are now few.

As this blog posts today, Wednesday, December 15, our family will gather to celebrate the life of my father-in-law, Jim Knight. We thank the Lord for blessing us with such a wonderful and loving man. We invite you to pray with us. We ask that you pray for us.

- Tom Gronstal